Internal Dialogue
Posted on 28th March, 2008 By Ben Saunders ~ 17 comments
Lots of soul-searching today. I went from hating this place this morning to loving it this evening. I’d written a huge update but lost the lot when my PDA crashed just now (probably a sign that it’s stupidly cold) so this’ll be a short one…
Slept terribly last night (cold, cold, cold) and started out in a foul mood. I've broken a zip on my jacket, both ski tips are coming apart, and for the first hour of today, each tug on the sledge harness made me feel sick. The ice conditions were horrendous; giant pressures ridges and piles of thigh-deep drifted snow. I felt shattered, and I was only starting my second full day.
Yet by the last hour of the day, when I skied through the beautiful twilight with Massive Attack's Unfinished Sympathy on my headphones, I wouldn't have changed places with anyone.
Today is for Eddie Bowman, without whom I'd still be in London right now.
I can hear the ice moving in the distance as I lie here now; a faint squealing, a bit like a railway siding, or the Tube when it gets to Heathrow. It's too far off to be worrying, but I'll pop my head out before I nod off, just to make sure...
Comments
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By Simon Jones on 29th March, 2008
Oh I hate that when you write a post then something happens and the whole lot dissapears like a fart in the breeze. Not that your post would have compared in anyway to a fart you understand Ben :-)
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By Moki Kokoris on 29th March, 2008
Uh, Ben? Mind informing us what the definition of “stupidly cold” might be? I’m not sure I’ve heard that meteorological term....
That aside, I am elated to hear that the ice and your spirits improved as the day drew to a close. May that feeling in you keep resonating as you continue onward.
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By Wil on 29th March, 2008
Some crazy iceman once told me something that always helps me when I feel exactly like this…
“Heights by great men reached and kept were not obtained by sudden flight but, while their companions slept, they were toiling upward in the night.”
~ Henry Wadsworth LongfellowForge on, Iceman. Forge on.
xx :)
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By Mark Linder on 29th March, 2008
Ben, everyone is asking about you and checking in. You are very thoughtful to explain what’s going on in your inner psyche, the darker moments as well as brighter. We’re rootin’ for you!
Mark
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By Marc Tyler on 29th March, 2008
In soul-searching moments I often think of my favourite poem, ‘If’ by Kipling :
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will that says to them : Hold on !Ah, Mr Kipling, he does write exceedingly good poems. ( a poor attempt at humour, apologies).
Glad the day turned out better than it started. Hold on Ben !
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By Michaela on 29th March, 2008
Keep going Ben & look on the bright side; at least you’re not in Terminal 5 at Heathrow Airport!
We’re all wishing you on.
Michaela
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By Alex Bicknell on 29th March, 2008
Ben,
If it was me I’d have given up already - your determination is an inspiration. You do the hard work - we’ll do the moral support. Keep on keeping on.
Alex
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By Alison Lowndes on 29th March, 2008
To experience that twilight WITH Massive Attack’s finest anthem playing .. wow .. my son met their drummer last week, madly positive guy, you’d like him .. I’ll pass on your plug am sure they’d be honoured to know you’re listening to them.
Here’s some perspective for you .. I woke up this morning to my son bringing me the post .. an unexpected letter from nPower telling me to repay an outstanding amount MORE than the yearly saving I was meant to make by switching to Scottish Power, life’s a bitch, right! I wasted 10 minutes of my life worrying about it then noticed the sun was shining. I opened the laptop, read what you’d just gone through this past 24 hours and regained the perspective you’re effortlessly sharing with us all .. thank you.
Must add though that even an unexpected bill doesn’t torment quite as much as losing all the words and thoughts you just wrote down ! .. in the awe-inspiring words of the only man I look up to .. DOH !
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By Nikki on 29th March, 2008
As long as those boots hold out, mate! I was going to complain about how cold it is where I am in the United States, but I figured my 28 degrees F is really nothing compared to your -40+. Then I was going to complain about my lousy Friday in Corporate America, but then...no...pressure ridges and thigh-high snow is much more of a challenge. Although I can’t say that I wouldn’t want to be in your boots instead! I’d still take a day on the ice over a day in my cube!
Massive Attack is just what the doctor ordered! Godspeed! We’re right here with you!
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By Andy Ward on 29th March, 2008
Dear all,
I just wanted to introduce myself as the man behind the scenes - Ben’s expedition manager. I have just had my daily call with him on the ice and I wanted to pass on a massive thank you for all the support and encouraging messages on the website - It’s just what Ben needs to spur him to the Pole.
He is in very high sprits this morning and ready for another big day on the ice. The weather is looking good and despite drifting South West slightly overnight he hopes he can cover another big distance over the next 9 hours.
Alison - I told Ben about your Massive Attack connection which produced a huge laugh.
Moki - “stupidly cold” is currently about -40 degrees Celsius. It was warm -28 last night once he warmed up his tent cooking Tuna Pasta Shells for his supper (in hindsight, probably not the best smell to be wafting across the ice in case of a nearby hungry polar bear looking for a fish supper.. but after 9 hours of dragging a sled, hunger definitely comes first!)
Thanks again for all the support, it really means a lot to Ben.
Andy.
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By Paul Bower on 29th March, 2008
Ben
it just shows you have to keep on going no matter what and the lows at first can be turned into high’s. Nothing is ever as bad as it sems.
We are willing you on and watching your progress daily.
Paul & Jane
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By Davor Sevelj on 29th March, 2008
Hi Ben hoping badges on your jacket standing well like your spirit.Nightly seating by comp.and watching your daily progress .Keep worm-push well. Dave-Sevels Embroidery
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By Jaz Rai on 30th March, 2008
Good luck and don’t worry you’re not missing much here .... same old same old!
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By Anton Uhl on 30th March, 2008
Some encouragement from a couple of friends!
http://www.southcomic.com/news/saunders2008sm -
By karah on 30th March, 2008
Am sitting in Minneapolis enjoying a relatively springlike day - thinking of you! Good luck good luck good luck keeping on!
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By Danijel Gajan on 01st April, 2008
Following the journal all the way from Serbia.
Best of luck Ben! -
By Laptopus on 23rd April, 2008
Constructive dialog. Congrats!
Day’s Statistics ~ 28/03/08
| Position | N83.22.82 W074.13.603 |
|---|---|
| Daily Distance | 6.63nm |
| Total Distance | 16.88nm |
| Distance To Go | 399nm |
| Temperature | -40°C |
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This journal is coming to you from the high Arctic, where Ben Saunders is attempting to set a new world speed record from Ward Hunt Island to the Geographic North Pole. The current record was set in 2005 by a guided team using dog sleds and numerous re-supplies in a time of 36 days 22 hours. Ben’s expedition will be solo and unsupported and on foot. Read more about the expedition and Ben